Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Mikhails’s Campaign to Keep Live Music Out of Siberia

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Mikhail’s petition to the New Orleans Department of Revenue to Keep Siberia’s Live Music Permit Suspended”:

So this guy from So-Cal thrash-punk / noise band NASA Space Universe emails me and he’s like, “Yo, U.S. Nero is the shit. We’re coming to New Orleans and playing Siberia. Try to get on the bill.”

So I’m like SHIT YEAH and I message Siberia and they straight up ignore me. Finally, about ten days before the show, I get desperate and I message them: “U.S. NERO AND NASA SPACE UNIVERSE ARE GREAT FRIENDS. BOOK US FOR MAXIMUM ROCK N ROLL.”

And I guess the sound guy or something– Mark, I think… Jesus, it’s a tiny city, You’d think I’d know a few people’s names– messages me back like, “You can play if you start on time and keep it to thirty minutes.”

Fine by me! So we get there, and he makes us go on at exactly 9, which is ridiculously early for the Marigny. Not only that, but he tells us to KEEP THE VOLUME DOWN because THE PEOPLE HERE RIGHT NOW ARE EATING AND DON’T WANT TO HEAR LIVE MUSIC.

The fuck?​

He hadn’t said ANYTHING about playing quiet in the email. He threw that at us last second. And why make us go on for people who he specifically said do not want to hear live music?

“This guy doesn’t really want a back massage, so just rub his back really softly.”

They don’t teach you that in massage school.

What really gets me is we were playing with all these art punk bands, and the thing to do there would have been to say FUCK OFF and unleash my inner suicidal teenager and just blast everything with noise and corruption until the dumb shit sound guy physically tore us from our instruments. But instead we were polite and played a mellow set of just our quieter, poppy stuff. People in the other bands were kind of scoffing at us and telling us we sounded like ELO for the rest of the night.

I’d rather be gagged with Satan’s rusty pubes than be told I sound like ELO.

But what REALLY pisses me off is the next act was ROOM 101, this one-man-band guy who plays guitar and sings over pre-recorded drum loops while a projector screen plays footage from September 11.

His shit was TITS.

But, like, my band is only two people, and none our instruments were mic’d. Room 101 had this elaborate stage show that took over an hour to set up and… GET THIS… he didn’t even show up until AFTER we left the stage.

So, obviously, we could have gone on later and done A REAL PERFORMANCE which is all we wanted to do. The stage had enough space for us to play with ROOM 101’s extensive stage gear already set up. But that would have involved letting us actually play!

When I talked to the mouth-breather they had on the sound board, he just kept saying, “I did the math. I did the math.”

I fucking see why you’re a sound guy and not a particle physicist, asshole.

He also told me complaining after the fact wouldn’t do me any good. So in response, I say:

HA HA! YOU GOT SHUT DOWN! – U.S. Nero


 

Siberia’s Response to U.S. Nero: 

“Another crappy band in the garbage can!! Welcome to the 86’d list US NERO!! Good luck with your future musical endeavors and don’t come around here anymore. You are not welcome as either performer or patron.”

– the MGMT.


 

Mikhail’s Response:

They’re a bunch of dumb jock buffoons. I mean, it sucks that they’re getting shut down. New Orleans is a music city and all, but seriously, they suck as people. It was always an unpleasant venue to be in. The door guys are all rude by default. The sound guy stands there looking at the band like they just slapped his mother. There’s fuckin’ deer heads and hunting trophies everywhere for some fucking reason. It’s definitely one of those venues where there’s at least twice as many people standing outside than actually standing inside watching the band. And everybody I respect in the punk scene has some story about them skimming way too much money off the door from touring bands and people getting equipment stolen and shit.

So I figured enough people would think it was a funny gag to make an “actually, maybe the city of New Orleans made the right call on this one” petition for it to be worth it that I’d get black listed from at least one, if not several, venues.

I’m having trouble seeing the point of pushing the petition any further though. The people who will get a kick out of it have already seen it, and I don’t want to give the impression that I actually want to see anybody shut down, no matter how dumb they are.

Anyway, I’m thinking of literally finding their dumpster and playing behind it.

(Also, use this petition to get in touch with some of your old New Orleans friends. Encourage them to share their own personal anecdotes regarding Siberia’s shittiness.)

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