Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

And it just feels good when you’re next to me

Carter doesnt want to see me. 😦 He doesnt even what to talk to me. He wanted to go on a “Break.” I talked him in to speaking with me on the phone at least once a day. He hates that. He said that we could see each other like ONCE a week. What a great boyfriend. I so use to having people around me. And its kinda strange not having Carter around. I want him around. This must be love, if any other guy were to tell me what Carter told me I would of not cared, and broken up with him. I’ve never been in a relationship like this one. Its hurts me. I love him to much to end it. It would kill me to see him with someone else. I want to be with him. No matter what! I guess I should be thankful that he isnt cheating on me. (looking on the bright side) I hope that I can get through this without having to go threw some major depression. I’ve been listening to Rilo- Kiley and Bright Eyes to help me through it. Music really helps. I hope that he over doses on alone time. Its going to be so hard not seeing him. That was what made me happy. Even him calling made me happy. I made me feel like I was important, that someone cared for me. I wanted that. I NEED that. Even if its just a ‘hello.’ Why does this have to happen? I want all of this to go away. I want this to be normal again. I want Carter back. Its not that he is gone, its just that I want to be with him. He isnt use to this sorta thing. I am his first girlfriend, prolly his last. I hope that he doesnt stop loving me. I some times wonder if he is telling the truth. I dont think anyone could truly love me. Thats one of the things that he said was a flaw, my low self esteem. I want to see him. I just want to talk to him in person. Im so weird. I love him and he says that he loves me. So how could he do this to me? Am I that bad of a person. I mean I guess its not me, Its him but still. Im here and Im hurting so bad and he is just on the phone wondering when the convo is going to end. He is the person that im suppose to go to when I need to talk, if I hurt, if somethings wrong. He is the first one I would go to. And I feel like I dont have that anymore. That he doesnt want to be bothered. How horrible is that. He says that he finds flaws in people. And if he stays with them to long he starts to dislike them. Carter told me that he wouldnt do this to me. And he did.

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