Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Acid Dad

THE FIRST EPISODE:

The first scene is Acid Dad and his son watching television. You see the show from his son’s eyes, and it’s just some episode of GOOD TIMES. But then you see it from Acid Dad’s eyes, and he’s tripping really hard on some acid, so he sees this completely different shit. He sees this black comedian on stage with this insane routine:

“Man, white folk and black folk, they different, they different. A white couple have a chirrun, they want to FEED that chirrun, CARE FOR that chirrun, LOVE AND NURTURE that chirrun. It ain’t like dat wit some black folk, no. YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. A black family have a chirrun, EAT DAT CHIRRUN. EAT DAT CHIRRUN.”

And then it cuts to an audience member eating this baby made out of chocolate.

So Acid Dad is appalled by what he sees, and he’s like, “THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY. PEOPLE ACT LIKE MANIACS. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.” But his son sees what’s really happening, and it’s just a normal episode of Good Times, so he’s like, “Dad, what do you mean? This is wholesome, classic television?” And then Acid Dad is just totally shocked and starts telling his he’s going to take him to the hospital:

“Oh you’re sick. You’re the sickest of them all. I can’t have my son being that sick. We’re going to the hospital.”

“But dad, I’m not sick or injured.”

Then Acid Dad breaks his son’s leg. “You are now.”

So Acid Dad throws his son over his shoulder and drives to the hospital.

When they get there, Acid Dad is just hysterical and doesn’t know what to do, and all the doctors think it’s because his kid is in critical condition, but it’s really because he’s tripping on acid. So they take his kid away, and he’s just sitting there. I guess for a while right here, it will just be him at the hospital tripping out about a bunch of stuff.

Then, in the middle of the trip, he sees some doctor undressing, and he realizes that he’s having gay sex with one of the doctors. So he quickly punches the doctor in the face and takes his clothes. (I MIGHT CHANGE THIS TO SOMETHING THAT MAKES MORE SENSE, BUT IN THE END, HE WILL BE DRESSED LIKE A DOCTOR)

So Acid Dad walks around the hospital pretending to be a doctor. He walks into this pregnant woman’s room, and she has an ultra sound on, and you can see her baby. So Acid Dad pulls out this giant heroin needle and sticks it in her stomache. Then he lookss at the ultrasound and sticks the needle into the baby. Then the baby starts acting all heroined out.

Then Acid Dad finds his son’s room, and they gave his son all these pain killers, so he’s all drugged out. So he steals his son from the hospital bed and brings him home and tells his wife that his son is DRUNK, and that’s how he broke his leg.

“LUCKILY, I WAS ABLE TO TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE HE DIED.”

Then his wife is all proud of him, and they have sex and Acid Dad snorts a bunch of coke.

THE END.

[NOTES: the name of the show is Acid Dad. It’s about this middle-aged guy. And he has a son in the fourth grade (9 years old). And a daughter who’s fourteen. This guy with the normal wife and kids does acid ALL THE TIME. And he’s always getting his son into trouble at school and stuff. Like, on one episode, he makes his son sell weed at school, and his son gets suspended: He’s either going to be played by Gary Busey or Charlie Sheen. Depending on the BUDGET, of course. He’s going to have a chemistry set. Where he makes his acid. And his wife’s always going to be finding it. And then he has to find a new hiding place for it. He’ll have a new hiding place every season.

  • In one episode, he buys an electric guitar. And he walks up to his wife and he goes, “CHECK OUT THIS SONG I WROTE.” And then he hits her in the head with the electric guitar.
  • In another episode, he does so much acid that he lets R. Kelly stay at his house for the weekend.In his daughter’s room. (A recipe for disaster)
Oh, and throughout the first season, this guy doesn’t even have a job. He just does acid all the time.  And then halfway through the second season, his wife goes, “DO YOU EVEN HAVE A JOB?” And then it just cuts to him teaching a high school science class. And it’s just like WELCOME BACK KOTTER. And after that, some episodes are him at home.
  •  And some episodes are him at school ON ACID. He’s always making them snort coke. And he teaches his son how to grow weed. And he just sticks random kids faces in coke and says “UP YA NOSE WIT A POUND A COKE.”
  • In another episode, acid dad has an idea for a sitcom. And the entire episode his him making the sitcom happen. And it’s just like Happy Days, only the Fonz is a giant weed leaf that can walk and talk. And Ritchie’s parents don’t want him talking to the Fonz. And then that’s going to be a spin off.
  • Then in the next episode, Acid Dad grows a long beard and tells people he’s Jesus.
  • Maybe in one episode he’ll have a pet monkey and he’d give the monkey acid. And the monkey would start painting! And he’d sell the paintings and make a million dollars. (Then he could do whatever for the rest of the series and it would make sense.) It could be a turning point or it could be a teaser. And at the end of the episode, he dresses up like G I JOE and shoots up a high school with a paintball gun. And he faces a lawsuit that threatens his FORTUNE. And then he can’t be a teacher anymore. Because they won’t let him around children.
    • So he becomes a pornographer.
  • He can always lose his jobs for various reasons. Like when he tells the kids that he’s a Taliban sympathizer. And comes to school wearing a turban.
  • He can be a psychiatrist and instantly get fired for prescribing his patients acid.
  • Oh, and maybe in the next season he can claim he’s an Indian and it’s a ritual, then start doing massive amounts of mescaline and PCP.]
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